Ah, wedding planning.

For some, this is a right of passage into a new chapter.

For all who are part of this process, it involves unforeseen politics and drama from family members and friends.

Even the most level-headed loved ones seem to lose their marbles as soon as the word “wedding” comes into a conversation.

I find myself endlessly boggled by the tsunami of unsolicited advice, unreasonable demands and entitled behaviour I am witnessing from people in our lives.

This is me and my fiancé’s wedding, right? We’re paying for it, so isn’t it reasonable that we should have the final say as to what takes place?

And yet, that concept highly offends some people. For reasons I cannot quite understand.

You had your special day already, Aunt Pru. Dammit, just let us have ours on our own terms!

With four months until the big day, I have gathered my top advice for any bride or groom-to-be who arelooking to survive the wedding planning process with both their sanity and dignity intact.

Disclaimer: there always be unsuspecting events pop up… hopefully, with my advice, I can guide you through how to roll with those punches tactfully and with as few casualities as possible.

Get your bearings on what you’ve got to do.

Let’s ease you in with some basic advice, before we run directly into the warzone.

A prepared wedding planner is a successful wedding planner.

It may all feel overwhelming at first, but trust me when I say you’re better off to look at that massive lists of to-dos earlier rather than later.

We followed this timeline planner, which identified every aspect we would need to consider, and how far out to consider it (based on how many months out from your wedding).

Also, get clear on your budget early and stick to it.

Over-estimate costs.

Buy elements which are under budget rather than on-budget whenever you can. It will shock you how many little hidden costs pop up out of nowhere.

And they REALLY add up in the end.

Don’t apologize for wanting what you want.

You are about to come across the biggest cluster f*ck of unsolicited opinions you’ve ever encountered in your life (unless you already have a child, then you can hope this will be not as bad as that, but I’m not making any promises).

At the end of the day, this celebration is your celebration. It’s about setting the tone for how you and your partner want to enter into this new chapter of life together.

Your taste will greatly differ from that of others. This is a no brainer, as we are all unique individuals with unique tastes, and should respect and appreciate that fact about one another.

But despite the common sense of this reality, individuals will oddly think that their taste matters more than yours, and should be taken into account.

That’s bullsh*t. If there is ever a time to put your people-pleasing aside for one massive event, this is the one!

It’s your wedding, but keep in mind that you’re still a host.

This is a tricky spot.

Especially if both you and your partner are people-pleasers. It’s important to remember that while this is “your day”, people are still taking time out of their lives to attend an event which celebrates you.

Take comfort in that reality — these people DO want to celebrate you and let you have your moment. That said, be reasonable with your requests and expectations you put on both your guests and your wedding party.

Don’t charge people to attend your wedding.

Don’t request your bridesmaids pay for an $800 dress out-of-pocket.

Just don’t be a dick and expect others to foot the bill. It’s your wedding, not theirs. They shouldn’t be paying for half of it.

Communicate early and often.

With everyone, but only on what is their business.

Be transparent with your wedding party about what costs are going to look like. Make sure both sides of the family feel equally involved (not just the bride’s side. Especially if both sides are contributing somehow financially to the wedding).

Touch base early with vendors and service providers, like your photographer, to make sure details are ironed out and you’re on the same page.